I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
