Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
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