I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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