Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize