Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
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No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
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as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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