I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
