i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
