My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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