we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
