Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
