the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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