I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
