i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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