so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Hippo gnu deer
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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