she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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