Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
