I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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