I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
