bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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