JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
