He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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