if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
