Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
