really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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