I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
