Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
