am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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