If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Still dying that you shit outside
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
