i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
