apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
