You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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