Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
