is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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