We named our party play list daddy issues
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i believe in u and ur pee
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
