U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
A bitchslap is in order.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
