I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
