just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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