my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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