I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
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...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
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Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If I die, sorry about rent.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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