Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
