It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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