my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
