I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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