So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I smell like Dick and happiness
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
