Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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