I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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