I'm jealous of your bromance
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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