Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
