the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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