i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
