I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
