i jhust puked up my retainher.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
