Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
