dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize