Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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