I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
