Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
