I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
