Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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