There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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