My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
