I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize
