Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
