i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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