I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
