All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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