And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
being pregnant is like rehab
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
