Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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