Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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