there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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