She is in my trunk
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
