Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i love accidental penises.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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