Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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