Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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