i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
