come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
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We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
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All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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