Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
MIDGETS
????
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
