when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
my liver is dry heaving
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
