just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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