The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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