I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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