remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
